Mean what I say

Richard T. Anderson — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 22:24:47 +0000

There is an issue that I have found interesting since I first discovered it in one of my communication classes at Grand Valley State University. It was a realization. And the beginning of one of my disagreements with the world. It has come up twice recently with different people. So it is on my mind again.

The textbook was saying that in any communication that there is an Intended message from the person creating the message (by talking, writing, making a movie, etc) and there is a Perceived message that the listener/viewer receives. And the shattering moment for me, they aren't always the same. I know it seems pretty obvious now, but i was young, right? Psychologically, I think I have a strong desire to be understood, so this revelation was kind of sad to me.

Both the text and my teacher seemed to be saying that the Perceived message of the receiver WAS the message. They said that was the important component. I disagreed. My argument was and is that the Indented message IS the REAL message, if the Perceived message differs from the Intended one then the perception is incorrect.

That doesn't mean I blame the receiver of the message for getting it wrong. Many messages are poorly communicated. Or translated. During the Cold War Nikita Khrushchev was quoted in the west as saying, "We will bury you." What he was saying in the context of his culture and society was, "We will out last you." But in the west the implications of the word 'bury', made it seem like a threatening statement.

No one can blame the already scared masses for the misunderstanding. Yet, the message that Mr. Khrushchev intended is still THE actual message in my book, even if the whole world misunderstood.

That's why I believe it is very important to be clear and concise and honest. To mean what you say. And to know the meanings of the words you are using. I'm not a perfect communicator by any stretch of the imagination. But I strive to be.

Now there are lots of times that in order for someone to really learn something, they have to discover it for themselves. Just telling someone something flat out doesn't always get the message across. This is true of students. To really engage students, to get real learning you have to lead a student to water. And it's up to the student to drink or not.

You don't give a student a piece of literature like, Macbeth and sit around saying how great it is, telling them all the little things Shakespeare has put in there. You have to let them think it out for themselves, or they are just going to glaze over and be bored.

There are other instances when people are not ready to hear certain information, usually for emotional or psychological reasons. And similarly just telling someone something that they likely do NEED to hear doesn't mean they'll hear it. You have to lay out the evidence.

When someone has just broke up with a lover, flat out saying, "S/he is never coming back," isn't a wise choice, because the person is just going to go into denial and not listen. It's better to give examples of similar situations and subtly relay facts like, "s/he has a new girl/boyfriend," and let the person come to the realization of the truth on their own. You have to hope the person will take a hint, because there's no forcing something like this.

These things can and do fail. Students often hate Shakespeare (I did 'til I saw 'Much Ado about Nothing'). Friends continue to live in denial about their ex-lovers (I know I do). Sometimes communication fails. But if we don't try our best to communicate truthfully and honestly with those around us then we've failed before we've started.

Peace
Rich T. Anderson

Digital Arts Service Corps - theory

Mean what I say