The Life I Actually Want to Live

Nickey Robare — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:08:04 +0000

Have any of you read Dinosaur Comics? I'm not totally in love with it, but sometimes it includes very perceptive insights. It's a daily webcomic that uses the same six frames of a goofy looking dinosaur every day to tell strange and goofy stories. The other day it ended with T-Rex saying "Um, I'm thinking... that a lot of my internal conflict and malaise comes from the tension between the life I ACTUALLY want to live, and the stories I want to be able to tell?" I've been thinking about that a lot lately.

I should say, before going any further, that I'm really happy with my life right now. I love working with the OLLIE program. I had a moment a couple weeks ago where I was setting up for a class and thought "Is this really my job? I don't have to go back to nannying next week?" I feel this way all the time- just so privileged to be part of this awesome program, doing such awesome things. I'm taking Spanish classes, I've visited the KBOO Youth Collective a couple of times to learn more about how their program runs, I meet awesome kids and teach them awesome things. This is the first job I've ever had where I don't feel like anyone is questioning my intelligence or my ability. I can do this and I'm good at it! And I think I'm getting better every day.

But back to that dinosaur comic. Last night I talked to my best friend. She has lived a very adventurous life since we graduated college. Her primary jobs have been working as a pedicab driver and operating a puppet show on a bike. She's in several bands, went to Morocco last year, and just came back from a tour of England. I love her to death, and at time find myself very jealous of the excitement she fills her life with. I want to be able to tell stories about sailing up Lake Michigan on a tall ship, too! Or do I? Because, ultimately, I think I prefer this quiet existence I have carved out for myself. I want to be able to tell those stories, but I think this is really the kind of life I want to live.

When I started back in July, I was really worried about having enough personal time. It's somewhat of an issue, but in a lot of ways, something I've always suspected has proved true: Having a job I like and care about takes away the need to fill my life with other things. I've spent the previous four years working jobs that I don't care about to get by, and so I squeezed the most fun and enjoyment I could out of my free time, making art, dancing, and hanging out with my friends. It's not that I've stopped doing these things, but I certainly don't have as much time for it now... But I don't miss it too much. Life is good.

In other news, I just order three new pairs of glasses from Zenni Optical. You can get a pair for as cheap as $8! If you are an eyeglass wearer and have your prescription, this is a great deal. Especially since Americorps don't get vision insurance.

Digital Arts Service Corps - philosiphizing

The Life I Actually Want to Live