Ground Control, I'm stepping through the doorway

Houston? I think we have a problem.  I'm blogging tonight after my first day of PSO (pre-service orientation) in which I have had the privilege of sitting with a group of extraordinary people; the men and women who have volunteered their time and talent through VISTA to help their impoverished fellows.  I am writing with full knowledge that this blog, it's message, and my account will probably be deleted within a few days.

Like many Americans who haven't been directly touched by this program, I have thought of VISTA and AMERICORPS over the years as a vague group of do-gooders out there somewhere.  One cannot imagine without spending time with them just how deadly serious they are about giving of themselves.  The pictures of folks framing a house in New Orleans, ladling soup for the homeless and helping tutor a child to read easily come to mind when thinking of giving.  Helping to deploy the infrastructure that supports the order processing necessary to insure the framers have enough boards and nails, or carrots and peas, or books, is a little more distant in the imagination.  But that is the kind of thing these folks are doing.  If Americorps is the domestic version of the Peacecorps, CTC-Vista is Americorps version of the Army Corps of Engineers.  hoorah!

I feel sad tonight, after 30 years of doing for profit exactly what these folks will swear to donate a year or more of their lives to give this organization that deploys them to uplift the needy.  They need so many more like them and I wish I could be one of them in many ways. 

I have searched the internet to try and find a story like mine; someone whose charitable eyes were too big for his wallet.  I have walked all the way to the PSO before realizing that my personal situation precludes me from taking the final step.  Today I heard a message that I wish I had been able to find on the internet before I came here.   One of the VISTA's said that he could tell who would be successful as a VISTA by asking them what they expected to get from the program.

 I sat and listened and realized that I expected to find a way not to screw my program if I did not go through with being a VISTA.  I realized that I was here because my program needs help, I feel bad for them and tried to be what they thought they needed as a solution.  I think that in order to be an effective VISTA, one needs to want to be an effective VISTA volunteer.  I realize that as a VISTA, I will burnout and be ineffective, but as a part-time volunteer to YES, Inc. I can provide a similar value without risking a melt down that would serve noone well.  To quote the Bard, "To thyne own self, be true, then, as surely as night follows the day, thou canst be false to any man." 

Thanks for the lesson,

Steve