Best Jokes I Ever Heard

You may be asking why "the best joke I ever heard" is a good resource for a VISTA? Well, a group of VISTA Leaders pondered this question at this fall's training and determined that it's actually very valuable to have a few good jokes up your sleeve. For instance, if one of fellow VISTAs/co-workers is having a bad day, a good joke never hurt. On a more professional note, several VISTAs cited job interviews that he/she was asked to tell a joke, probably to test their ability to react quickly and have a sense of humor.

So here's just a sample of some jokes from VISTA leaders to get you started (I have to admit they're not the best I ever heard, but they're a start:

Where do the general keep their armies?

In their "sleevies"

Two peanuts walkin' down the street

...one was assaulted/a salted.

Heard of that new pirate movie?

It's rated aaarrrrggh.

Duck walks into a bar.

Then he said "ouch."

What did the dragon say when she came upon a row of knights?

"ugh. More canned food."

What do you call a dead baby in a blender?

Salsa

So a blonde was looking for some extra cash. She started walking around her neighborhood asking neighbors if they had any odd jobs she could do for them. The guy next door suggests that she paint his porch for $50 bucks. She agrees happily and goes off to get supplies. The guy goes in and brags to this wife that he just fooled a blonde into painting their huge wrap-around porch for a mere 50 bucks. About 20 minutes later, the blonde rings the doorbell and says she's done. The guy says "Wow, that was really fast." The blonde responds, "It was pretty easy. Oh and by the way, it's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."

So an economist, physicist, and a chemist get stranded on a desert island. There's no coconuts so they start getting pretty hungry. All of a sudden, a big ol' can of beans washes up on the shore. They get excited but then they realize they have no way to get it open easily. The physicist suggest they drop the can from the ocean cliff and the free fall will open the can. Then they realize that wouldn't work because then the beans would be strewn all over the rocks below. Then the chemist suggests that they put the can in a fire to increase the internal heat of the can until it pops open. But they realize that would just make the beans explode. Finally the economist says "What if we just had a can opener?"